We met on dating site, met up and got together quite quickly, and I began living in her apartment, despite I have a joint mortgage with my brother where I used to live before I met her. Borderline personality disorder has a dangerous effect when it is left untreated. I would ask her if she meant all those things she said to me in the beginning like marriage and kids. Most people assume that there must be something wrong with men who stay in relationships with women who have traits of borderline personality disorder, men who know the right move is to leave but who find themselves unable to let go. We both live in London UK. They are lucky to have you as a dad.. I feel that you are stereotyping people with bpd unfairly. Passion and excitement may attract a future mate initially, but long-term relationships require self-discipline. Im at a loss as to what I did for her to loose her respect for me I stood up to her abuse but it didnt change anything I am always available through email for any questions or concerns regarding these techniques. These individuals sometimes can be rehabilitated by their partners using very specific techniques. I am at the point where I feel nothing about me matters except being a father. At first my therapist thought that I was causing all of my wife her pain and that I was just a jerk for being the way that I am. She has moved back in with her parents which I believe highlights the issues she has. DR, I assume youre asking about standard treatment for the disorder. I didnt think too much into it but I did agree to see her again. Beej, thanks for your kind words and accurate summation of the BPD relationship. And we have feelings just like anyone else and are all equally deserving of love. Because you live with BPD., Im recently diagnosed bpd.. It would be nice if the moral of this story was just that easy. Hi! She would I believe project how she feels as a person on to me and Im one of the most genuine nice guys about really. Whats also important about this particular depiction of BPD symptoms is that a male was the one experiencing them. The real hook for me was high physical / sexual compatibility and in conjunction with not wanting to be out there the trap began, The aspect that perturbed me for a while, is when you give them that out and they justdontwant to take it! Where there should be hope, the article ends with dont fall for this con again. However she was not able to process this. She told me few things about herself that she has been with many many guys before and she all called them abusers, and narcissists etc. So its crucial that you stand your ground as best you can to protect your financial resources. It might be more accurate to describe it as using selective amnesia for the parts of their history that dont serve their new narrative. At one point I left and she begged me to return on her hands and knees. Once they leave home, so can I. Minor betrayals are by no means deal-breakers, but they can definitely ruffle our feathers and hurt our feelings. Nobody wants to approach her. It causes a person's moods, relationships, self-image, and behavior to be unstable from one day to the next. When we enter a relationship, we are expected to be able to give up our self-centered ways and treat our partners interests as equally important as our own. 6 Classic Borderline Personality Traits Common Among Women Now if she cant commit to self help and to actually progressing in her life after some time tjen i see n know that u can only help someone who wants to be helped but damn!! She was released with her BPD diagnosis, And within a week she was attacking him again. However, if she cant take it out on you she might take it out on herself In a litany of self harm. Im Polish 38years old my ex-girlfriend was Spanish 45years old. Im just now emotionally healed enough to not have any hate or disdain for her as with the help of your articles and others I have come the realization that no matter how much she can or cannot control her behaviors, I have full control over how I choose to react to them. In fact, many individuals with BPD may have 1-My High Conflict girlfriends new husband has a history of marrying High Conflict women (3 failed previous marriages to be exact). For example, if you live in a hostile environment, creating intense relationships might be advantageous if you are a mother (as the primary caregiver) wanting to ensure that her partner commits to her and her child.. I lived with a woman I think had aspects of BPD for 8 years of a nearly 10-year relationship. Given every chance you can. I honestly cry every time I watch this movie because I feel so validated. We are mindset coaches and want to offer this content for the betterment of the BPD community. BPD is a complex and serious mental illness. I had the courage when we returned to end things as I was no longer willing to put up with her behaviour and I deserved a whole lot better. Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship, 3 Ways to Hold a Blame-Shifter Responsible, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, An Addiction Myth That Needs to Be Revisited, 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. Unless a woman with traits of BPD learns how to include her intellectual processing center when processing experiences, she will continue to be able to block out reality. She has broken this contract, and as you said, niceness can only be stretched so far. I am retired and act as full time house husband. And not because I feel unworthy but because now I see how badly I have beaten this man down mentally. Ash, thank you so much for your very insightful input on this blog post and the others as well. Your questions, opinions and personal stories form an invaluable contribution to this important discussion. Maybe it is a mixture of both. Laura didnt know why she felt this way, but ever since she was a little girl she hated being alone. To this day I still work with Rose and find that her insight, encouragement, and kindness continues to be a breath of fresh air. BPD affects the sexual functioning of many of those who suffer. The profiles varied in their level of facial attractiveness, psychopathic and borderline personality traits, and wealth. Steve, you are in a very difficult position. That is, the familiar notion of women being attracted to bad boys even though it is evident that the boy is bad for them!. You are definitely right when you say their decisions are based off their emotions that they just cant seem to get past. Those highs and lows can lead to a mild form of psychological addiction even in those who did not have addictive natures before their relationship. I eventually found a way that I could stop them from walking away. She feels comfortable in chaos and dysfunction yet craves love and affection but at the same time pushes it away. Girl, Interrupted, though one of the more well-known books or movies about mental illness, is certainly not the only popular representation of mental illness out there, but it has, maybe more so than others, resonated deeply with young women. Those suffering from symptoms of BPD have particular difficulty because the intensity of their emotional experience often overwhelms their ability to differentiate strong emotions and put them into understandable terms. I just gave up romantic love after getting involved with a woman with strong BPD traits. Of course it didnt work out as you cant truly know someone after 6 months. I know Im not normal, yet why should I try to be? Glenn Close, who now has experience with mental illness in her family, regrets how stigmatizing the film is. Hey Joanna. Nice-guy types are often convinced that the world is filled with people who love to give without expecting anything in return. He felt defensive. Please try to be a little more understanding. She then accused me cus its all my fault, and we didnt go at all. I have been reading many sites over the last five years as I have struggled to understand and respond to the overwhelming BPD traits of my wife. The reason they can so easily block out reality is that they are using their emotional processing center to process most of their experiences. You just cant win !! Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder Now she wants to move again, because she is lonely, yet she is the one that picked the house! In the process, she manages to expose numerous unhealed social wounds by calling out almost every person in her life. Contact us today at 1-844-9-THRIVE. Daniel S. Lobel, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Katonah, NY, as well as an Assistant Clinical Professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in the Department of Psychiatry. I wish I could point you to some useful books, but this is a very new area of study and people are only just beginning to understand what is behind this relationship dynamic. Ive had so many problems turned around and falsly placed on me its not even funny, and when you havent reached a point to where your a little keen as to whats going on you actually think some of it may be your fault. If you have BPD, if you are trying to help or understand someone with bpd I highly recommend giving these episodes a listen. I have fixed it up, and have so much money tied into it, I could lose my retirement if this keeps happening. She has shown moments of improvement, but she will still switch to demonizing me at the drop of a hat. Mighty community member Kellyann N. shared that mental health professionals have explained BPD using Anakin Skywalker (a.k.a. The moral of this story is that the nice guy has to make the decision to end things and stick to it. Your fault I didnt orgasm Unfortunately, I haven't had the strength to not reach out every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months - essentially, to let her know "it's okay", "I understand/support you", "hope you're feeling well today", blah-blah-blah. My HPD wife insist on divorcing. Dissociating or having an out of body, disconnected from yourself-type feeling. I am also a woman who has a diagnosis as a high-functioning BPD. I found this website to be just excellent! She is honest, truth focused, and compassionate to the throws that come with BPD. Shes mercurial, irresponsible, and resentful of Joel to the point of being outright nasty. I do have another question for youI want to know if you think there is anything I can do now to help her. I really appreciate your input. But because you have been lucky enough to have found someone who may not have these traits you might need to go through this stage while within your relationship. He also has worked hard in his life, through therapy, relationships, and his career, to develop extraordinary communication, interpersonal, and relationship skills. If you want to try out some of the basic techniques of this method for free to see if this method is right for your situation, you can learn them from an intro guide flip-book here or a PDF version of the intro guide here. Why should I change for a man? I know its not easy. Thank you Im truly sorry to all about all this but I will never love another more then I was in love with her ! I laugh at sex addiction. Then came a third 5 days silent treatment where i laughed via text over the silliness of her behaviour. (She did have a habit of blaming others for anything negative that happened & never taking responsibility for it, an example of how ridiculous this got was blaming the credit card for the bankruptcy she incurred.) Would she just interpret my hesitancy to return these overwhelming statements as me not feeling the same because I am not going at the same pace? So here I am. Sometimes its good to read such articles as it puts things into perspective. I am truly astonished that you know so much about BPD yet you are forgetting the vital traits of this personality. We offer mindset coaching only for individuals nationally and internationally. (As I read this, I fear I may be idealizing him!!!). Im 31 and a normal decent guy with a good career. Jay@skeetersstrength.com OR Rose@skeetersstrength.com. Although we usually assume high emotionality would be an asset in a relationship because it motivates loving behavior, too much emotionality actually turns out to be a liability. How difficult it is to get a MALE doctor to listen to you instead of prescribing antidepressants? shawn. Part of me thinks she was just saying that to me to make me feel sorry for her and to keep me from leaving but the other part thinks she really meant it. What your girlfriend may have seen in you and reflected back to would be your real qualities. She knows something is not quite about her and that she shouldnt behave that way. things like that which were very frustrating for me. Even before we got back together and were just talking she would hint at wanting to see me but never actually say it even though she is the one that left. The conversation then digressed onto her terminally ill father and I got the blame for her not visiting him in hospital for three weeks. Its just men being men. She didnt get hurt, just fell on her butt something most everyone would just shake off and I dont even think anyone saw it. One chil is old enough to have her own personality and my wife has been accusing her of breaking promises, but of course, to a 4 year old this is unfathomable.