Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. Thinking of seeing [movie]. This, maybe prefaced with mostly working or some generic busy thing. You can do that! I think it would be helpful for folks to give LW the benefit of the doubt that she/he is not taking the time to write in to an advice column over very simple coworker small talk questions. Someone responding with why do you ask? would basically make me instantly take a mental step back from that person in terms of comfort level. 76 Best Replies and Answers to How Are You Doing? - Trending Us I disagree concerning the Where are you from? part. I think lots of people, especially women, are socialized to think that confidence is impolite, so they try to sound unassertive. It can still get extremely wearing through, and I do wish people would think more about when this conversation is appropriate and when Im maybe not up for answering a litany of questions that literally every stranger asks me (ie when Im obviously exhausted and struggling with four bags of groceries that I have to cart away on foot). Im well aware of that risk. Her dad would not agree with a move to force her to move out. Thank you for a better way to ask this question. Me: Dunno, but probably not. To the point she gets fallout for being unhelpful if she doesnt do it? I think thats why it can sometimes be difficult to answer? Thats just how some people ask I suppose. How can I ask in a way that minimizes that feeling? You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. What are you up to on Saturday? has often been my go-to when dealing with someone (like my sister) that I *know* will feel pressured to accept whatever Im suggesting whether or not she wants to or has the time/energy for it. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. Its not lazy that I did X this week which meant I was in pain by Friday night. "That is very thoughtful of you, it was a nice weekend.". Im super introverted and have medium to high levels of anxiety, depending on the situation. Sounds like hes a robot instructed to find out a fun thing the customer is doing later. Responses To "What are you doing?" | No response, Funny memes, Xoxo Are you busy? , I am in a cat trance. There are several possible moves in response to this gambit. Another example: My parents both corrected their local accents to American Standard Television English long before I was born, so I grew up with that accent myself. But dont try to play us off against each other. This auto-reply is just to let you know. 101 Funny Weekend Memes to Ring in Positive Weekend Vibes - Winkgo Not everyone in my life always has. I like to respond with Doing nothing. Like, OK, were not people who talk to each other about our lives beyond the weather and traffic, cool. If youd rather not, I would love to immediately pretend this never happened and talk about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes, and then never bring it up again. Its okay if I dont want to share the details of what Im reading with coworkers. Im in my 20s and married, living away from home, but I feel like Im constantly playing tug-a-war with my parents and were fighting over boundaries. I usually just say Im doing laundry. Any request for someones time, regardless of the setting of the fun variable in your mind. The kind of situation where someone finds out you are free that evening and then says, Good! Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. Theyre couched as requests, and a truly good reason would be all the excuse we would need. The hubs and I do the same. Mentioning your actual plans is one. If people cant come, you still have plans with the one friend! Might I suggest a they or a xie, my friend. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. *Both of which are also used as shorthand for all the things you need to get done before you can do the thing you actually intend to do, which is often an accurate description of my evenings. But yeah. I think a more appropriate reaction would be to apologize once, politely, then go away and process what I did wrong by myself. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. what are you doing?. 'Hope You're Well': Emailing Through a Time of Pandemic Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. LW, this struck me as a pretty extreme response. Amazing what showering can do for you. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. 17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish I ask this question all the time. (Rememberif she had specific other plans, thats a reasonable excuse. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. Thank you! But most of all, thats my time with my kids, and Ive realized that Im missing it. Indoor Cat says feeling unsafe would have been the most damaging to her relationships with her parents long term. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. So if someone said What are you doing next Thursday? I imagine they said Would you like to do something on Thursday? Need some help actually. Him: Nothing fun? I also trained myself to say, Oh just marathoning *show I like* or I picked up a new book and cant wait to dive in! which they translate to doing a thing. (I suppose they thought that before I responded that way. And if someone is trying to open a debate about the validity of your plans vs. what they want you to be doing, it is a refusal to take the podium. Its not really surprising when you think about the mechanics of it its basically stereotype threat / stereotype threat removed. People ask this to fill the time while standing at the break room microwave, not bc they want to trap you into revealing state secrets and hardcore kinks. That sounds weird coming from you. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). Improve your attitude toward your family." - Bo Bennett 4. Oh, surviving, surviving. And if I do want to see her, then I just tell her something freed up in my schedule and ask if shes available or if theres anything she wants to do. So I know what youre talking about. I think it goes back to the same annoyng assumption there are people who assume your time is theirs. My white mom has a very unusual first name (I dont know of anyone with a name that is even similar, AND its spelled with a non-English character) and, 40 years after she moved to the US people still ask her where shes from. I agree with you based on what shes told me, it feels very othering, and she resents it. after Ive made my piece clear. If they want to tell you about their job, they can. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. For small talk, I like to ask questions where the answer can be simple. LW, in case youre feeling that so many comments along these lines invalidate your feelings about the question or imply that youre making a big deal out of nothing, I wanted to chime in to say that my reaction to reading your letter was an immediate OMG YES can this question please die FOREVER?!. Also I have learned to give hard noes. Im relearning advanced math as an adult because it seems fun and Im bitter that I grew up in an atmosphere that discouraged me from learning. Other Half keeps the diary, I need to check.. How Are You Doing? How to Introduce Yourself in English (So Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. The lines of dominance and power are what make this a problem. And then if Im busy (in truth or not), I can say, Oh sorry. But I think it tracks beyond that particular experience. Them (if it was small talk) *moves on to a different topic* Every weekend! I like to piss her off so Im honest with her. Im glad for the above scripts! So when you talk about watching her leisure time and knowing how she spends it all, I hear a situation that would be psychologically unhealthy for a teenager, let alone someone in their mid-twenties. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. Do not copy, print, or repost entire posts elsewhere without written permission. If Im 100% sure that I dont want to do the thing based on the asker I treat this as open license to complain about how busy I am. Its not a question I like either, some of which is due to manipulative/pushy people angling for my time/energy like in the letter, and some of it is due to feeling like I have to feign excitement or a more interesting life in order to keep the conversation going, which is draining (IDK if this is an introvert vs extrovert thing or like how some people seem to have no trouble filling the conversation or making their lives sound interesting; I am not one of those people). 2. I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). I wanted to stayyou can make why do you ask? be a friendly lineand you probably should. So of course, you tell her, youll all walk separately from now on (keep the cheery loud voice of happy certainty and smile hugely the whole time). 3. Yeah, I ask this of people because Im making conversation! For me, it was lack of basic adult civility and respect that was the death knell I didnt expect safety or that level of support after 18 and didnt feel wronged that it was not given. All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. 8 Funny Replies To "Hahaha" Text Better Responses If it doesnt work with my schedule, I will tell you. Answer with small truths. My Kid: No (shuts door) Uggggghhhh flashbacks to a previous boything of my own. When its done as the pre-request, I get really annoyed that the person wont just ask me directly. This might just be a difference in communication styles. You? However, if you and/or your husband have used that phrase in the past where she is included in the We, shes not mishearing you/he are misspeaking. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. Setting a timer or alarms. I have only one person who does this, my widowed FIL, and it irritates me no end. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun 86 Funny and Flirty Responses To 'How Are You Doing?' - Monk at 25 Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. Many of your comments in this thread have, in fact. Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? What a mess. If you have people in your life who you trust not to get offended at this exchange, definitely give this method a try. Honestly, about 90% of *soft* invitations to me fall flatly to the ground because I dont pick up the work of planning, timing and reissuing that invitation. My mum likes to do similar things, trying to out me on the spot and pressure me to agree to things when Im on the phone to her. The bigger words you use, the better. How about you? "I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally. Then there is the Miss Manners rebuff, where the pitch is level until the final word is raised. Rather than rushing to respond, taking the time to understand what they mean can improve the quality of your response. Good enough. 3. Its not even really pushback. I have actually thought about writing in about this one as well. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! I BET YOU WILL LAUGH - Funny videos - YouTube In that case I would begin with the duty: I need a babysitter. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. This week is bad for me, but next week Im free except Tuesday. Some other commenters have pointed out that sometimes people use this question as an conversation opener or in order to seem polite while they actually want to tell about their own plans. This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." Why? So now as far as she knows, I am very very very busy. Tell me about you. 20 questions to ask instead of "How are you doing right now?" - Quartz So whats the fallout if I tell her I need her help with something, and she refuses without a good reason (because she wants to play Minecraft or listen to a podcast)? It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. The professor went to the restroom. To put it another way, I guess: this is such a normal way to open a conversation that being annoyed by it means that you will be annoyed by a wide variety of people, forever. I suspect some of the people who are giving a vaguer yeah to the lets hang out have answered what they thought was an actual suggestion with Saturdays are good for me and gotten um, er, Im kind of busy these days, Ill call you and never hearing back. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. 14 "It was a riot! !" But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. This one is a bit tricky for me. They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. So yeah, I feel that part too. I dont understand the point of the question. What are you up to this weekend? Based on your listed interests, it looks like we have a lot in common. Like, you want to hang out with me, but dont want to ask me straight up. Like I also find whatre you doing this weekend to be pretty normal but also can feel very intrusive, but if I had people in my life like the LWs who were using it to try to make me do things I didnt want to do while making it seem like they were not making me do things itd get to be a really irritating and hair-trigger question pretty fast. I say nothing much and the other person responds, yeah, its nice to be lazy sometimes, right? And I dont want to get into how no, its not lazy to need time to recuperate and our society puts too much pressure on needing to be constantly productive and not respect ourselves as people. Dont ask each of us the same question. But really those friends should elaborate: What are you doing this weekend? I think my own culture is more ask-y, but I had a pretty pushover personality and often felt, well, pushed around by the people around me. There have been days when I could be found dancing on the couch and all over the house with this and Bad Reputation on a playback loop, both middle fingers proudly in the air. Best Episode | Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode - Facebook Cousin Charles is having a party, and I think it would be good if you showed up.. They are asking whether you want to go on a date with them on Thursday. Tucker makes the case that there is a war against Christians happening in America on 'Tucker Carlson Tonight:' TUCKER CARLSON: You always imagine in your mind's eye that it's evil men who destroy . And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?". Then, actually do check your calendar, check in with yourself if you actually want to do whatever it is, and answer the person when its convenient for you. Wow is all I got. I, personally, like to ask what are you doing this weekend, something fun? when small-talking with my co-workers and friends, and I also hate this question with a passion when its a step to an actual invitation (two very different things!). Youre right, adult people who feel safe and are treated well like adult people probably dont react like that. Most people would rather talk about themselves than anyone else, so turning the question back to them will almost always divert them from further questions about what Im doing. It is trickery and so frustrating. Thankfully, the discomfort is mostly on my end at this point. Let the customer know you empathize with them and use their name to personalize your communications. Oh yes, this! I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. or are you busy?). Answer vaguely. @Helen Huntingdon, that is good to know, re feelings and setting off yellow flags. You can also better manage your time because you can text her at anytime you want. That is a question I ask a lot, but its aim for me usually isnt to exepect that if they are not doing things they will be free for whatever I want. Or, if I tell a potential date some generic things (oh, probably reading and writing a lot) and add that Id like to take a break so they know Im open, Im engaging in the same coy behavior thats bothering me in the first place. Ive never found it made any difference at all for invitations its not like I told them how much time each activity Im doing will require or what other boring chores I will also be doing. Also, if you want people to drop the polite social conventions and be direct with youmaybe try directly telling them this? I also love Caps I need to check my calendar and get back to you approach. no one tries to rope me into something). Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template I get you wanting to be met at the airport under those circumstances. How should I respond? If that's not a good enough answer for them, walk away, because there's nothing more you can say. Theyre so nice and interested, they cant possibly be racist/microaggressive! Had it been a long time since shed asked him? One thing I think might be getting lost a bit in the discussion is the distinction between asking What are you doing this weekend as small talk indicating Im interested in your life (e.g. Of course, you can replace "great" with any adjective (positive or negative) that describes your day in a general way. You have to answer the . BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have time to talk?" "What Are You Up To?" Can Be a Way to Ask "Are You Busy?" Here's another example: Jana: Hi Rob, how are you? How to Respond to a WYD Text - Sweety High Youve also brought up some generational preferences on communications. How do I know if my comment was lost or is just stuck in a mod queue? 65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey This is probably part of why I am frustrated by this conversation, because by most conventional social norms, you are actually doing nothing wrong. Its the best. But you, yours steals the show every time. You can answer a pleasant: Nothing much! or Youre looking at it, breakfast was great! or I hope you get some free time later today, the weather is lovely! without worrying about it at all. You could just ask. 9 Funny Tinder Messages That Work Like Magic (2023) - VIDA Select With colleagues especially, Im not looking to hang out just looking to connect on something, find out what they like about, get to know them better. I can ask them on Monday how it was. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. One of the costs of challenging social rules is that it makes it harder for people to learn them. Or is there a better way to handle this? If you both talk about what to do in the garden (I know you probably dont own one, its an example), is it a conversation like I want to plant radishes Well, I want to plant flowers Fine, then we plant one half with flowers of your choice and one half with radishes and everyone waters everything? . If I were any better, I'd be you. 2. Its just one of the normal options. And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. Im also self employed and use a similar excuse. I never thought about the fact that some people might be actually trying to relieve the pressure! It can be a white lie! This is my reaction. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response.